she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i out mim tonsoeep
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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