I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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