I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
