Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
