everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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