I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
