Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
