Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
