she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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