I murdered the dance floor call the cops
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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