i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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