oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
