omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
