you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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