Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
