You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
