Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
