i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
