Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
