I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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