1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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