ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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