dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
