just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
