i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
