It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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