so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
