at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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