i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
