I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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