Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
