I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just invented taco cereal.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
