Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
