i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
