I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
