Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
