I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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