I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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