We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
