No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
