I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
