when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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