Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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