im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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