Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
