I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
