i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
