this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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