I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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