Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
