no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
