can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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