Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
